I was just talking with someone tonight who was urging me to take Krav Maga so that next time I could defend myself. Honestly, in a group of 6-7 teenage males, I’m basically never going to start hitting people -- I didn’t want to hurt her feelings though so I let her tell me all about it.
I guess people want to feel like they’re doing something.
Even as I read this, particularly when I read the parts about your daydreaming, I want to scoop you up and skip you ahead, past the assault. It’s impossible, of course -- so much of what you’ve become clearly got formed around that assault. Isn’t that such a strange thing? That some of the worst things that happen to us can spur our growth?
One of the first things I said to my friend Johnny after the assault was that I had assumed that, given my age & gender, I was unlikely to experience getting punched in the face at this point. And then it turned I was wrong. So now I know exactly what it feels like to get punched in the face.
You’re right that it gets etched deep in there, the reaction, the moments. Still, I like that you got angry Tom, i like that I started shouting, I like most of all that each of us made it through, are making it through.
Thomas (or Tommy, or Tom, or, given the context of this post, TP? What do you prefer, my friend?), this is excellent and honest and vulnerable.
I was verbally bullied as a daydreamy young fat kid, though only by kids much older than me, and never physically because my oldest sister wasn't to be trifled with. Since then, while I've been in the orbit of altercations and have broken up my share, I've never been struck, nor had to strike anyone else. I've taken my share of bloody beatings but those have been on soccer fields and basketball courts.
The thing about fight training is it is also fun! My current regular workouts consist almost entirely of a little running and, particularly, working the heavy bag. It is physically challenging and exhilarating. Just because one gets good at punching doesn't mean you have to punch people.
I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you Thomas. We can’t control other people (bullies,jerks) nor choose what we remember. You have tremendous courage to be able to confront your memory of this horrible event and write about it. There is some interesting information on healing from trauma in “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van der Kolk. BUT it can trigger trauma for some (like me) to read it in it’s entirety. I had to skip some passages but found it helpful.
I never had to deal with anything like this (luck, likely wealthier background, luck), and I would have been terrified in your place and gotten PTSD.
Your natural benchmarks for what's traumatic are what you've gone through, so you have nothing worse to compare it to. So I wouldn't feel bad about feeling bad, if that makes sense.
If it makes you feel better the increased physical fitness, however cheesy you may feel about your style doing it (hey man, it was the eighties), probably helped you with the ladies. Silver lining?
This is so kind of you, Tom.
I was just talking with someone tonight who was urging me to take Krav Maga so that next time I could defend myself. Honestly, in a group of 6-7 teenage males, I’m basically never going to start hitting people -- I didn’t want to hurt her feelings though so I let her tell me all about it.
I guess people want to feel like they’re doing something.
Even as I read this, particularly when I read the parts about your daydreaming, I want to scoop you up and skip you ahead, past the assault. It’s impossible, of course -- so much of what you’ve become clearly got formed around that assault. Isn’t that such a strange thing? That some of the worst things that happen to us can spur our growth?
One of the first things I said to my friend Johnny after the assault was that I had assumed that, given my age & gender, I was unlikely to experience getting punched in the face at this point. And then it turned I was wrong. So now I know exactly what it feels like to get punched in the face.
You’re right that it gets etched deep in there, the reaction, the moments. Still, I like that you got angry Tom, i like that I started shouting, I like most of all that each of us made it through, are making it through.
Thomas (or Tommy, or Tom, or, given the context of this post, TP? What do you prefer, my friend?), this is excellent and honest and vulnerable.
I was verbally bullied as a daydreamy young fat kid, though only by kids much older than me, and never physically because my oldest sister wasn't to be trifled with. Since then, while I've been in the orbit of altercations and have broken up my share, I've never been struck, nor had to strike anyone else. I've taken my share of bloody beatings but those have been on soccer fields and basketball courts.
The thing about fight training is it is also fun! My current regular workouts consist almost entirely of a little running and, particularly, working the heavy bag. It is physically challenging and exhilarating. Just because one gets good at punching doesn't mean you have to punch people.
I’m so sorry to hear that happened to you Thomas. We can’t control other people (bullies,jerks) nor choose what we remember. You have tremendous courage to be able to confront your memory of this horrible event and write about it. There is some interesting information on healing from trauma in “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van der Kolk. BUT it can trigger trauma for some (like me) to read it in it’s entirety. I had to skip some passages but found it helpful.
I never had to deal with anything like this (luck, likely wealthier background, luck), and I would have been terrified in your place and gotten PTSD.
Your natural benchmarks for what's traumatic are what you've gone through, so you have nothing worse to compare it to. So I wouldn't feel bad about feeling bad, if that makes sense.
If it makes you feel better the increased physical fitness, however cheesy you may feel about your style doing it (hey man, it was the eighties), probably helped you with the ladies. Silver lining?
Again, sorry you had to deal with that.
I'll never forget that night. Those scumbags we're dirt under your feet. You're a successful married man. Wonder what they are.💕💕💕