The Greatest Adventure

The Lord of the Rings, Being a Bad Example, and a Road Trip

Once a year, I try to watch the Lord of the Rings films. Usually between Christmas and New Year’s Day, but I was a bit late this time. I was not terribly fond of the books; the first time I tried to read them in high school, I never finished them. When I learned that they were being adapted into movies by the guy who made Meet the Feebles and Dead Alive, two disgusting low budget films that brought me joy, I tackled the books again and finished the trilogy before the release date of The Fellowship of the Ring, which I saw at a midnight showing on opening night.

They are a bit corny, honestly. But they were released at precisely the right time. I was working in Manhattan when the Towers fell; luckily, I watched it happen from home, thanks to a late start to the day. I recall driving on empty roads the next day, calling New York friends I hadn’t spoken to in years, reveling in planeless skies; and for months after, watching the tip of the isle smolder as my bus rolled into the Lincoln tunnel, thinking of the responders digging through ash and wreckage for the bones of the dead.

The Fellowship of the Ring told of a cryptic evil bent on destruction and tyranny. The times lent themselves to allegory, but also to a simple story where the only shade of gray was the cloak of Gandalf. And when Frodo opines that he wishes the ring had never been found, the wise wizard says:

“So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.”

The three movies came at Christmas for three years in a row, and they were something to look forward to in a world that had been shaken and changed. They certainly hold up twenty years later, when a power-hungry cartoon dictator has told us plainly what he has in store for us, and yet we tremble that our neighbors smile at our terror.

Orcs and Nazgul are easier to take.

We read a lot into the movies; I remember seeing many people have empathy for addiction, after seeing Sméagol become Gollum; Andy Serkis gave a great performance. Be we often forgot Gandalf’s wisest words:

Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play yet, for good or ill before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.

Not to spoil the ending, but if pity had not stayed Bilbo’s hand, the ring may not ever have been destroyed; or if it had, Frodo and Samwise would not have returned home.¹

Are the movies perfect? No. But I wouldn’t change them.

They are precious to me.

Like I said, they are corny; make fun if you must. But this leitmotif always makes me smile and imagine the greatest adventure.

The greatest adventure is what lies ahead…²

I’m planning a road trip across the country and back (or there and back again, if you will) with my mountain bike in tow. Depending on timing, I may make a trial run to the Blue Ridge Parkway in the spring. Then in September, I’ll meander wesward to visit friends in Minnesota, Montana, Washington, California and Colorado, with stops at Cahokia, Serpent Mound, a few parks full of volcanic geology and redwoods, Canyons Grand and de Chelly, and maybe some spots in Joshua Tree and the Mojave. I’ve wanted to take a road trip like this for years, and I don’t see a better time I can do it before retirement. And I’m not waiting on that.

Bringing a bike along is to give me a chance to see things out of the car. It’ll probably be “The Gorn” and not the fat bike, as it’s easier to find parts if it needs repair. I may get it converted to tubeless tires before I go. And it’s cheaper, if it gets stolen. If you told me two years ago that I’d be taking a bicycle on a road trip across the country, I wouldn’t believe you. Back then, I wanted to take a train trip, and write a book. I wrote the book anyway, but no one wants to publish it. So I’m publishing it myself. This year, once my edits are complete, you’ll get to read Vyx Starts the Mythpocalypse.³

I am lucky enough that I can sneak in a lunchtime mountain bike ride most days. Not that I do it every day… today I lifted weights before work, and it’s going to rain hard for a day or two, so I’ll be inside, walking on the treadmill or maybe even resting. (More likely, I’ll be cleaning up branches from tonight’s storm.) I feel better when I am active. Getting outside and moving to improve your mental health is one of those annoying bits of advice that actually work. You’re miserable for a while, then you don’t mind it, then maybe you get a little addicted to it, like I am.

And maybe when you have a good ride, you’re like me, and howl like a wolf in the car with the windows down, even when it’s freezing outside.

I never told you I was a good example.

I’ve taken it as my duty as an uncle, to teach my neef and neshew that they don’t have to grow up, they just have to not be an asshole. To clarify that definition, I know I can be a jerk sometimes. Everyone can. If you make a habit of being an unrepentant jerk, you may become an asshole. If I remember my Yiddish, but it’s like the difference between being a schmuck and being a putz. One is an amateur, the other’s a professional.

I am an accomplished adult, yet like Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, I prefer to gird my loins with funny animals. Today it’s foxes. Yesterday, space otters. I recommend MeUndies if you want silly underwear. The howling wolf ones come with a phone pocket, if you like walking around the house (or outside! we don’t judge) in your undies.

To quote Coyote Blue by Christopher Moore, “don’t underestimate the value of a good bad example.”

I try to be the best one I can.

I was supposed to talk about Saltburn, but the more I think about it, the less I want to. Barry Keoghan is rather amazing in his role, but the movie depends on you not knowing how it ends, so I can’t really discuss it much. Don’t read what’s between the dividers if you don’t want it spoiled:

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It’s rather a Talented Mr Ripley set at Oxford, but it feels oddly like the writers weren’t sure what was going on as they wrote it. Oliver seems a hapless friendless fool, who is insulted by a rich pretty boy, who becomes his enemy, and he then becomes friends with the richest handsomest boy at the school, and is invited to his titular castle. There’s a scene where Oliver says he is a vampire, and because of how the plot has unfolded, we are not sure if he’s serious or not. He might very well be! But he’s nothing that fantastic. He’s just a bisexual psychopath who wants castle Saltburn, and will murder an entire family to get it. It had such promise when it started, but it tumbles into such tawdry tropes and falls on shocking scenes like fucking a fresh grave to disguise its cheap thriller framework, and flashbacks to show how-he-dun-it when that’s literally the least interesting thing about the movie. Still, it’s got Keoghan and Richard Grant as an aged Bertie Wooster as patriarch type, and is worth a watch to the end, if you want to see a well-hung Mr Ripley dance naked in the castle he’s wangled through his murderous ways.

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Spoilers end here.

It’s David Bowie week in Philly, and this is from one of his concerts in 1974:

That’s the Superman movie I want to see.

If you’re tired of bikes and hobbitses and whatnot, here’s a great read on one of my favorite birds, the house finch, from

Christopher Brown

of Field Notes.

Winter birds and other epiphanies

Another good read about animals is this one about how Pakistani fisherfolk are helping the World Wildlife Fund save the Indus River dolphin.

Another fisherman, Ashique Ali, says they protect dolphins because it's the right thing to do. “We are not greedy. We are not employees at WWF. We protect the dolphin because it is the creature of God.”

Khatoon, the fisherwoman, nods nearby. Dolphin rescues please her. “We feel happy when we protect them. Dolphins are our friends.”

Isn’t that nice to hear?

1. I like to think that Sam Gamgee would have tackled his beloved friend Frodo and tumbled into the fires of Mount Doom with him, had there been no Gollum to fall into it with his precious. If they would have made it there at all, without his tricksy guidance.

2. The Rankin-Bass animated version of The Hobbit remains a favorite, songs and all.

3. Those who’ve been reading this newsletter since its Patreon days will recall its first title, Fox Child Running.